i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
