Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize