so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
