Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
