U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
