So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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