The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
