how can u be prego again
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
