I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
