Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
