Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
