I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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