i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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