Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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