i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
