I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
