great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
