i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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