I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
