It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
