i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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