You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
