you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
