I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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