I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
