That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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