Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
