im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
