coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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