people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
