it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
