I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
