Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
