Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
