I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
