As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
