I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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