I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
