she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
