You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
