I must be too annoying 4 u.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
