I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
