meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
