You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
