No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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