I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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