I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
