I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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