How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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