I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
