DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
