so let's talk penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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