ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
