I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
