Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
false alarm, still single
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
