I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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