broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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