I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize