Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
