I want to make a zoo with you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
