She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize