Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
