They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
