Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
