I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
