Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
