I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
