we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
