I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
