i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
