it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
