i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
